99 truths and a lie

Ok so with total plagiarism from the endearing Lord Bargain - I bring you 99 truths and a lie - all you have to do is figure out the lie! (I was working on something similar for my 365th day of blogging, but hey fuck it I'll just do it now, originality not being my strong point).

And off we go.......
1.I own a tarot deck
2. 2nd and 3rd toe are longer than the first (sign of creativity apparently)
3. Would have been called Richard if I was a boy
4. Spent 3 months training to be a radio presenter before realising that my dream job was in fact not the dream for me
5. Wear a uniform at work
6. I own a cushtie and some drogna
7. Attended a premiere at Leicester Sq once
8. Have a fear of ventriloquist dummies, in fact they frighten the shit out of me, as do wax works 9. Started using the t'internet in 1997, have never looked back but did get warned about it in my annual appraisal at work (I was young)
10. I legally have 3 surnames which I can use at any given time
11. Once owned a mouse named Sperm
12. Have nicked a traffic cone and put it on the top of someone's car and then watched as hilarity ensued (it was an in joke)
13. Am not allergic to anything (as far as I know)
14. Never been hospitalised
15. Did however spend an hour in A&E waiting for a nurse on a Saturday night, after burning both my thumbs on candles.
16. Have swayed through the village of Sway
17. Met the ex whilst sporting green hair
18. Own a monster called Fred
19. Porn name would be Domino Atkins (doesn't really work does it?)
20. Love cats, hate cat related things
21. Don't like cold tea or lapsan schou schlong.
22. I don't like cushions on beds, what's the point you just have to take them all off again, I like me bed unadulterated.
23. I lost my virginity in a caravan
24. I had to see a speech therapist when I was a wee nipper
25. My school report always had comments like ' she chats too much'
26. I played lead flower in a school play
27. I haven't been to the dentist for 16 years
28. I can open any bottle, beer bottle with my teeth
29. I went on 'drama' holidays for 3 years running
30. I make regular donations to the RSPCA
31. At work I'm supposed to be the 'responsible one'
32. I need 2 hands to count the amount of lovers I've had
33. I was once give a bin bag full of porn (at work)
34. I got my brownie agility and tea making badges
35. I threw a 6ft tall boy over my shoulder
36. I've never voted
37. My middle name is Claire
38. I've had the same mobile number for 6 years
39. I've snogged a couple of my female friends
40. I have a 'thing' for doors and wardrobes
41. and showers
42. I've shot some pretty impressive big guns
43. I've never flown in a helicopter
44. I've been felt up on a stage in a nightclub
45. I've frequented a lap dancing club
46. I passed my driving text on April 1st
47. I've never had detention (well not at school anyway) ;)
48. I can't abide arrogance
49. I had myself removed from the school choir
50. Have been known to ask extremely loudly in bookshops 'Where are the sex books?'
51. Never been a bridesmaid
52. Love camping
53. I don't have any tattoo's
54. I've never had a one night stand
55. My mother stopped me being frightened by inventing the fairy ring of protection
56. My favourite book is still 'Fifteen' by Beverly Cleary
57. My parents had a fire alarm in their loft
58. I have no 'best friend'
59. I like men who look good in stockings
60. I've hidden in my bath before
61. Lived with 2 men (at the same time), having been romantically linked with both
62. Have 'done' a photo shoot with Miss Lovely Legs
63. Don't own a pair of wellies
64. Own a whip
65. Never been sacked
66. Type my blog but write my poetry in a big book
67. Got so drunk I went to bed half clothed (top half)
68. I've fallen down 2 flights of stairs in a silky dressing gown whilst executing a fire drill
69. I've been rescued by the coastguard
70. For years I couldn't say Mevagissy
71. or blow bubblegum
72. I wished I liked fish
73. I make a mean chilli
74. I like marmite but not twiglets
75. I think Edward Norton is quite possibly the finest actor ever
76. I always shorten people's names
77. I'm constantly surprised at the friendships I form
78. I'm massively self critical
79. I so need a snog
80. Like another blogger I also buy the Observer on Sunday and pretend to read the news bit but just read the review bit, magazine and sometimes travel - it too sits on my floor until a cat tries to eat it
81. I feel intellectually inferior to other bloggers
82. I boogle everywhere
83. I've seen the Rocky Horror Show 4 times
84. I own a ouija board
85. I have cow print tiles in my kitchen
86. and a comedy sheep called Neville
87. I once owned 7 cats
88. I'm scared of sharks
89. I broke my cats tail
90. I suffer from insomnia
91. I get mail sent to me addressed 'mad Jools' and it still reaches me
92. I've never lied on my cv
93. Hate reality TV shows and soaps
94. Wish I could still wear my hair in bunches and dye it blue
95. Have appeared as a waitress from Allo Allo on a carnival float
96. Never had a Saturday job
97. 'Lost' 3 days of my life to flu
98. Can't roll my Rrr's
99. Would love to go zorbing
100. Think brothels should be legalised

Ok, so sorry bout all of that, all a bit dull really and I ran out of steam towards then end - so come on then, which one is the lie?

Meant to post honest...

really these people that you hardly know and then they getting chatting to you on email and before you know it you should be tucked up in bed with your horlicks and a cat for company... ;)
So as I need my sleep I'll give you one of those 'save for a rainy day' posts and save my proper post for tomorrow when I have time to finish it off.
*squeezles to all*

If you were a biscuit, what sort of biscuit would you be?

Ok I know it's a totally random question which started by a colleague and I commenting on a senior member of staff's ability to act like a garibaldi most the time.

I'd probably be some sort of fluffy jammy dodger, but perhaps with a bit of alcohol thrown in, my observations of biscuit tin personalities is such:
RichTea - would sit in the corner mumbling and trying not to be noticed
Pink Wafer -would act like Meltchett from Blackadder and go bah a lot or be the campest biscuit in the barrel
Garibaldi - arrogant and a wee bit geeky
Pink fluffy jammy dodger - French mademoiselle, complete with poodle
Jammy dodger - bouncy annoying teenager
Custard Cream - like your granny with her knitting
Chocolate Hobnob - annoying yuppie/city type with braces
Plain hobnob - yuppie type's geeky friend
Nice - says it all, dowdy/virginal type female

couldn't think of any other biscuits, cause I don't eat them - so suggestions on the back of a biscuit packet please.

Things not to do when alone in your house

Ok, some of you may have noticed my absence from blogosphere last night and no I haven't been 'and got myself a life'. However I strongly recommend that you don't do any of this whilst trying to do some of this. Oh my dearies I was truly shameful. 2 bottles of wine and a roast dinner later and at 7.30 last night you would have found me spread eagled, face down and fully clothed on my bed, something I didn't discover until 2.30 this morning.
I've had to revisit 'soundtrack of my life 2' and remove a fair amount of it due to large amounts of giggling and smutty comments. Thank god I didn't finish it and try to post it (cause you know damn well that would've been the time that switchpod and blogger worked together in complete harmony and upload the damn thing in double quick time). Also I managed to stay of the poetry, mainly due to the whole passing out thing.
Brought to you in association with - Let me be a lesson to you all - part 2.

Oh and big Happy Birthday to Bills, who's getting older but not rougher, by the minute! :)

Update to the whole blogger is a cunt thing - new swear phrase 'ohpissbollocks' shortly followed by 'arsefuck' (see Spinny's blog for more details) I'm still sticking with 'arsetitwank' mind.

All by myself.....

and loving it. So the housemate rang this morning to say he will be away for another night, which means I've had the house to myself since Saturday afternoon -woo hoo! Have taken full advantage of this and have watched crap like Princess Diaries (well I like it) and Harry Spachead, farted about with constant costume and make up changes, boogled myself half to death and have become Queen to King Bob in podosphere. Well not quite but you get my drift.

Soundtrack to my life - Part 1 is up, warning may inflect needless suffering to your ears and the CPPC takes no responsibility for any resulting mental illness.

Can you tell that I've also hit the bottle (I think I've emptied the stockpiles at the local Co-Op) and had a very scrummy roast dinner (and not one of those silly packet things) all to myself, with gravy and everything (although I did forget the roast tatties). I love living on my own!

Oh my good god

I found it at last, its not me, I'm not going barmy. In response to this I found the damn spooky kids show, it was called the boy from space (original huh) and was quite frankly the scariest thing I've seen, plus it was in the Look and read series which included the fabulous Dark Towers - does anyone remember now?

We have lift off...

At long last I've managed to up shot the 2nd pod - most of the problem was switchpod but I was also exhibiting fliddy behaviour by forgetting to compress the file, so couldn't upload cause 'it won't fit it's too large' (yes ladies I can hear you sniggering and saying 'if only' from here).

Enjoy - comments pleasey weasy

Pod 2

Bank Holidays

So in honour of the Bank Holiday I got to thinking about what I would do if any of you lovely readers came to visit me for a weekend.
So this would (in some part) be our itinerary
First I would come and meet you from perhaps here or here
Then we'd retire here for a nice cup of this
After a good old chinwag I'd take you here so you can go awwww
Then perhaps I might take you here for a bit of shopping and a spot of lunch, before retiring here for the evening with one of these

If you managed all that exciting stuff then we'd probably go here, as its one of my favourite places, even though it tends to be frequented by wellie wearers. We'd then have to have a crack at this
Followed by of course some drinking in one of these (great music)
and would finish off the evening with a whole load of this and this

So then - who's up for it?

More importantly what would you do if I came to see you, alright for you big city folks but what about the rest of us stuck out in the back of beyond - where would you take me for entertainment?

*switchpod is still being a complete arse wipe *sigh*

**Update** Of course I forgot to say that if you were up to it I'd take you here and at some point would make you some of this and perhaps some of this.

Podding poddling podster

Ok well now that blogger has stopped being a complete fishes tit, switchpod has decided go completely arsetitwank (yes I am going to get you all using that phrase - see Anna's blog over at little red boat for more choice phrases) on me - so I was supposed to be bringing you the 2nd 'bank holiday' themed podcast, but by the time I get the friggin thing to work it'll be Christmas - so instead you'll have to settle for a picture of how podding (well mine anyway) works....
(Yes that is the damn doesn't fit in my ear thing and obligatory bag of minstrels)

One for the boys

ok so blogger was being a complete fishes tit last night and wouldn't let me post this, but as promised, some hotties for the boys - who if I was gay I would definitely

L-R Shania, Scarlett, Liv, Sienna, Anna, Kate

The things we do.....

Like wave your arms around madly at a window at someone you know can't see you, but you do it anyway cause you said you would and you thought it might just make them smile!

Madness!

Oh going on from the 'bad boys up against a wardrobe'* post earlier my friend and I came up with the following requirements:
Solvent
Has own hair
Devil between the sheets
Wants sex and lots of it (I can see all the men standing back in amazement - but yes birds want bonking too)
No ego or arrogance
Self deprecating sense of humour
Tall (5ft 10 at least)
Passionate (not necessarily about me but about something)
Faithful
Creative type or tendencies
Good looking (bonus points) - dark hair a plus
Non smoker but likes a tipple
'Gets' me

Oh yeh and like has a pulse and wants a snog!

* Reasons for wanting a bad boy - Purity test results 36% - You've either done it, thought about it, or at least heard about it. Luckily, there's a few things left for you to try! What type of kisser are you - Passionate Kisser, For you, kissing is about all about following your urges. If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story. You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses. A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Never one to buck a trend....

Well everyone's talking about dating and bad boys and snogging and ooh everything, so inspired mainly by Heather's post I thought I'd give you a quick visual treat of some of the hotties I quite like.
As indicated I think most of these fit into the dirty/decent category and I have to say I have a preference for old school...hmmmm *lustful thoughts involving wardobes*

Apologies to all the bloke readers - I'll try and do a female hotties tomorrow (not that I like girls or owt, but maybe I should stop being so fussy)

Old School

New School

L-R - Kiefer, George, Kevin, John, Christian, Matthew, Johnathan

So I wasn't go to blog...but

I thought you'd all miss me. Actually I'm still having a right old sulk but thought I'd share my foul mood with the rest of ya (ha that'll learn ya)
Went to our lovely library yesterday and was slightly bemused to find its gone all trendy and technological. We're now 'self serve' so you don't have to wait in annoying queues and deal with bespectacled harbingers of doom tutting at your choice of paperback. Oh no now you just place your books on a wee padette and some clever gizmo thing works out just how many copies of 'how to blog' and 'boggling for the new millennium' you want to remove from the establishment and prints you a handy reminder slip of their due date.

But even better than that, when you return the tomes to their dusty domicile you just bung them on the pad again, press return and hey presto a little letterbox opens up to the side of you. I'm positively excited about this new fangled gizzet as it somehow reminds me of those crap rotary club Santa's you get at the village 'turning on the Christmas light' type affair.

More serious note though - I went with the sole reason to get some 'high brow' books so that I know what you literary types are on about (I am deeply intimidated by blogger book conversation's and am convinced if we meet I'll be the one in the corner rocking back and forth sporting a particularly nice hoodie with a big D on it). To my shame I returned with 4 more 'chick lit' books and not an ounce of self esteem or cunning intellect. HELP!
What books should I read and why?

pluggity plug plug - would still love to hear your comments ref my first foray into podding

Observations in a small town

I'm in a fug, so am resorting to one of those 'saved for another day' pieces....

How many people does it take to walk a dog?
Apparently at least 8 if local villagers are to be believed. I mean honestly poor dog look a wee bit confused with so many people around him, I mean imagine his embarrassment when he wants to do his stuff.

Staring – why is it that people (and yes I do mean oldies here) feel that it’s quite acceptable to just stare at you? There I was parking my car (ok it’s a rusty shitbucket, but it gets me from A to B i.e. alcohol to bedroom) and this old bint just stared at me. Checked myself for skirt in pants, 2 heads or tourettes, but no I was my normal self, so I just stared back, think she got the message – just wish I’d been wearing a hoodie.

My village is turning into Surbiton. Ok well maybe its not quite as bad as the Stepford Wives but I swear there were 3 similar cars all in silver all parked next to each other..I swear if I’d been the paperboy all the doors would’ve opened at the same time as the suburbanites heard the familiar kerclunk sound of paper against pvc (door, not catsuit you pervs) and 3 blonde, be curled, dressing gown witches would’ve appeared, pretending of course not to have noticed their neighbour doing the same thing.

Parking Rage – ok you big city folks can have your road rage and all it’s glamour we in suburbia have parking rage. When you live in a sweet little village, with sweet little rows of houses and sweet little parking areas you end up with not so sweet (read fuckin loony dickwads) parking in particularly strange places. In particular my effin parking space. My neighbour has 2 cars, one of which being a stoopid 4x4 thing and he insists on parking both of them outside his house (there’s plenty of parking not more than 10 yards away), meaning I can’t park my tiny car outside my house. Knobber

Squished things – Ok you’ve already heard about the curb side carnage which is my drive to work, but the other day there was a wee little hedgehog mashed on the road. I remember thinking ‘how strange that hedgehog seems to be attached to a bit of string, maybe a small child had decided to take it for a walk’. I then realised it wasn’t a bit of string it was said hog pig’s intestine lying stretched across the road.
See and you all thought the countryside was boring and calm – believe me it’s a hot bed of crime, swinging and tweed caps.
Also dictionary on word can’t recognise tourette’s and believes I should have courgette syndrome instead.

Know your limits

Ok I am having a problem with blogging. Anyone who knows me (which is hopefully no one who visits here or the cat really is out of the Harrods hamper) knows I can talk the hind legs off a donkey, as proved in the pod. The thing is, this is now crossing over into blogging, I've got way too much utter garbage to spout on about.
I really am trying to be good and limit myself to one post a day, as I fear the dreaded bloggers block.
I've taken to writing down all my blog thoughts, to use at a later point. Some of these are admittedly meme's and other ideas nicked from other blogs, so no great rush to tell you all about them as you've seen them all before. However today I decided to write blog ideas in my little notebook as they occurred to me at work.
Not a problem there Jools I hear you say, work by its very existence is a dull place and therefore not prone to bouts of abstract thought.... I came up with 13..... oh dear.

Ok but some of the randomness of today included:
Never finish all your ironing - you'll run out of wardrobe space
Rabbit Ears - why do people insist on doing rabbit ears at the back of their head? In reality rabbit's ears are generally quite happy sitting at the sides of their face, so 'rabbit ears' are only a reality when said bunny is startled. Obviously this was accompanied by the obligatory miming (by everyone in the office I hasten to add) of 'rabbit ears' but that doesn't really translate in a blog v well.
Today I've had squeaky shoes and it's very addictive
Following on from the recent BDSM theme, it seems everyone is at it. Sent an email to a colleague today regarding what I should wear to an interview for a course I'm going to be attending. Email came back saying the the accepted level of dress was PVC or anything BDSM related and anyone not attending in such garb would be forced to stand on a table shouting 'I love bondage'! What's that called? Sonic resonance or whatever it is...whole world gone mad if you ask me.

Ooh I'm a podster

I've only been and gorn and done it, my first pod cast, sans poddlings, hope the link works....
Pffling Pod

Thanks to Bills for technical advice. * and the big up (no its not rude I mean the mention oh his blog, you gutter minded lot)

Clean clean clean

Ok so for sake of tidiness (and because the blog title hadn't been snapped up) all fashion related crimes, including Saturday Shoes have been moved to Porn Shed and poetic ramblings have been moved elsewhere. However due to the 'slash your wrists' style of rambling I go for you'll have to leave me a comment and way of contacting you if you want the url. Yes I know I've left a poem up on here but that's a warning against drinking too much.

Blogging bedrooms - update

Ok guys I'm still waiting on more of you to send me pictures of your room...and just to prove that I'm not the neat freak that you may think I am...this is what my bedroom normally looks like....
Please note - I don't normally bend the spines on books but this was ruined by an over enthusiastic swimmer in Kefalonia earlier in the year
Newspapers are not in fact today's but the last 2 Sunday's..I'm a slow reader, actually I'm not but I like to re read things and normally skim through on a first passing
Tig decided to help - like he often does, however he Auntie has disappeared into the back of the wardrobe! - camera shy you see.

God I'm so crap

Ok so I'm having a crap morning, not sure if its this orrible weather, the ex, hormones, too much wine or in all reality a combination of all these, but I'm having a 'case of the Monday's' but it's Sunday and this shouldn't happen.
Shouts to Petite and Slurker who have inadvertantly done the blogger bedroom thing, without visiting my blog at all - well done my dearies.
Was somewhat amused to find out someone had visited my blog after searching for 'comfy sex toy'...bet they were disappointed, somehow I'm cheered by this though as I think that shows what a considerate person they must be. However I'm left with an image of a t'internet junkie using a pink fluffy vibrator whilst sat on a sofa with one of them double slipper things (you know as advertised in the back of papers, like a wee tweed bucket).
Right have listened and boogled to some 'choice music' (see Last FM for the madness) and feel much better now - stroppage offically stopped.

Oh yeh and thanks to Surly who's blog roll I've been working my way through this morning, sure to bring a grin to anyone's face.

Just found myself saying 'oh flip' - not right, think I must be sober, better chuck an 'arsetitwank' in there to even things up.

Been and done it again....

Well there's me waxing lyrical about not blogging when you're pished and I've been and done it all over again at the Billster's last night (hey at least it wasn't poetry again)..so apologies to anyone reading the debauchery this morning (as it makes bugger all sense to anyone, including me n Bills). Thanks to everyone for such a great night last night, for those of us on msn who stayed around to the wee hours all I can say is 'Gary Barlow?????'. Oh and thanks for not 'outing' me, well kind of.

Brekkie calls...but I'll leave you with this to read as I'm in no fit state to post anything 'sensible':

1. Your first grade teacher: Not a clue but it was something like Miss banana and she escaped to Sri lanka
2. Last word you said: Ta
3. Last song you sang: there were a lot last night but probably something by Audioslave
4. Last person you hugged: My boss (we’re a very happy company)
5. Last thing you laughed at: Myself
6. Last time you said I dont remember: Err I don’t have a clue actually, my memory’s pretty good most of the time
7. Last time you cried: About 3 weeks ago
8. What color socks are you wearing: none
9. What’s under your bed: carpet, cats probably a mouse or 2
10. What time did you wake up today: about 4ish
11. Current taste: furry
12. Current hair: straggly needs a wash
13. Current annoyance: Still Chelsea tractor driving Sophie’s.
14. Current longing: House in London
15. Current desktop background: Ooh see previous posting.
16. Current worry: Not getting house in London
17. Current hate: Wasps.
18. Current favorite article of clothing: Brand new 50’s style spotty dress
19. Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: Err height and hair
20. Last CD that you listened to: Muse.
21. Favorite place to be: Slightly sozzled on my sofa with good friends
22. Least favorite place: Anything to do with my sibling
23. Time you wake up in the morning: 6.45 weekdays, anytime at the weeknd
24. If you could play an instrument, what would you play: Ooh geetar probably
25. Favorite color: Black I guess.
26. Do you believe in an afterlife: hmm I guess but not in the traditional sense
27. How tall are you: 5ft 7”
28. Current favorite word/saying: Wazzock’s pretty good
29. Favorite book: Fifteen – Beverley Cleary (yep even now)
30. Favorite season: Winter – time to snuggle
31. One person from your past you wish you could go back to see: My first love
32. Where do you want to go for university?: No where, missed that boat a loooog time ago
33. What is your career going to be like: What’s a creer, don’t we just have jobs?
34. How many kids do you want: Zero, no questions
[HAVE YOU EVER…]
35. Said “I love you” and meant it (with the oppisite sex): Yup
36. Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish: Well a cat has given me a fat lip before but err no
37. Been to New York: Yup
38. Been to Florida: Nope
39. Been to the Bahamas: nope
40. Been to Mexico: nope
41. Been to China: Nope but would love to
42. Been to Canada: Nope
43. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: No but I get serious déjà vu all the time
[RANDOM]
45. Do you have a crush on someone: Err not really
46. What book are you reading now?: Latest Chris Manby
47. Worst feeling in the world: Knowing you made a mistake and you can’t do anything to fix it
48. What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: cats get off me
49. How many rings before you answer: Depends how far I am from the phone
50. Future daughter’s name: err see above
51. Future son’s name: and again
52. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: do cats count?
53. If you could have any job you wanted: Paid writer
54. Where do you wish you were: Here’s just fine thanks
55. Piercings: Only the regular ones
[THE EXTRA STUFF]
57. Do you do drugs: Nope
58. Do you drink: I think the evidence speaks for itself
59. What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: Some sort of henna thing
60. What are you most scared of: Dying
61. What clothes do you sleep in: noode.
62. Who is the last person that you called: Someone at work
63. Where do you want to get married: Not sure I ever would (again)
64. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be: Talk too much
65. Who do you really hate: Piers Morgan
66. Been In Love: Yep
67. Are you timely or always late: Always on time
68. Do you have a job: Indeed I do
69. Do you like being around people: Of course, otherwise my job would be hell
70. Best feeling in the world: Friday afternoon’s
71. Are you for world peace: Well of course, but it brings its own problems
72. Are you a health freak: Certainly not
73. Do you have a “Type” of person you always go after: Male
74. Do you want someone you don’t have?: Doesn’t everyone?
75. Are you lonely right now: Nope
76. Ever afraid you’ll never get married: Pretty much done and dusted that one
[IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU…]
78. Cried: Nope
79. Bought Something: Just food
80. Gotten Sick: nope
81. Sang: Of course
82. Said I Love You: nope
83. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: nope.
84. Met Someone: What as in a real flesh and blood type person…nope
85. Moved On: Nope
86. Talked To Someone: Yup
87. Had A Serious Talk: Don’t do serious, actually I lie, yep someone at work
88. Missed Someone: Nope
89. Hugged Someone: Nope.
90. Yelled at Someone: no
91. Dreamed About Someone You Can’t Be With: Oh of course

Techno biffer alert

Being that we are all techno minded (ahem) I thought it would be cool to find out what people have displayed on their mobile phones, or screensavers and why?
These are mine and the only reason is cause I'm a halloween freak and found these images some time ago and think they are well cool..but then I'm odd like that.
You?

Forensic files drinking game

If you haven’t already and have access to Sky you really must try and catch the sensationally fantastic forensic files. In a nutshell it’s how forensic science has solved crimes (mainly murders) but is American so is brilliantly over the top (and much better than forensic detectives which just tries to be a bit clever).
The best way to add to your viewing pleasure is to play the drinking game (much like 24’s god damn it and where’s Kim?).
Words you will be looking out for are:
Gaschramatagraphmassspectrometer (no idea if this is spelt right and took me 4 months to be able to pronounce it)
Luminol and the ever wonderful bloodsplatter.

Do we have one for Green Wing – I presume ‘let me finish’ has to be in there somewhere?

~~~ Just for badger badgerbadgerbadger.com thought you may be a wee bit lonely

Bedroom blogger #4

Illman has added his bedroom to bloggers boudoirs, enjoy

http://illmandirtynotes.blogspot.com/

hum diddy hum hum

You know I do like this Last FM thing, dead good for finding bands you've never heard of. However because it runs in the background I do find myself boogiling to the oddest of things - for example, was just having a wee mini rave to what turned out to be Duran Duran...and I have it set to Rock tis tres odd...mind you had it set to rock and it came up with Justin Timberlake and Lionel Ritchie the other day!

How are the hangovers oh lords and ladies of quiz land? I feel surprisingly better than I have done all week, think the alcohol must've done the trick....however everyone's gone very quiet since my late posting of poetry last night but I shall leave it up as testimony of why you shouldn't blog whilst drunk...let me be a warning to you kids

Cause I'm slightly pished

Otherwise I wouldn't dare post it - Poetry Corner part 3

black leather on translucent skin
black silk on cobalt eyes
hard rubber on crimson lips
the distinctive smell lingers in the air

strung up and left to fend
all by yourself, in the darkness
within the walls of this tiny cell
your heart beating in your chest

what will happen to me? I hear you ask
I can see the fear in your face
the sweat running down your neck
to rest upon your harness strung breast

now the realisation not what but when
the excruciating agony of waiting for the pain
then the crack of the whip
your heightened senses making your skin prickle

then at last the blissful agony
that only I can insist on
the waiting is over, the pleasure is here
now its time to heal once more

De grotted

Ok well in honour of Billy's quiz tonight I have tried to shake off this mystery 'bug' and have de grotted myself. So I have (for the first time in 3 days) had a shower, cleaned my teeth, washed my hair and got dressed.
Never one to be unpresentable when visiting others, I am now de grotted enough to at least pretend to be human and perhaps sit in the corner quietly mumbling at the ever present thumping in my head.
See everyone at Bill's at 8pm - I am considering (for a rare one off appearance) changing my profile pic tonight so folks can see what I look like on a good day (perhaps give my ego the kick it needs to get my arse back to work tomorrow).

*Still tilting and I don't think the pie did me any good.

Bedroom Blog #2

The lovely quiffster, otherwise known as Billy has entered his bedroom into the funkiest bedroom competition
http://oyebilly.blogspot.com/2006/08/my-bedroom.html

So come on everyone, we only have 3 entrants at present (which includes me) so get your cameras out and get snapping.
No purchase necessary, entrants must be aged 3 or over, quiffs are optional, pictures of Russell Brand will be disqualified on grounds of 'who the hell is he and what does he do?'

Apologies for the lack of witty posting today, but have been in bed ill all day and feel decidedly sheepish. Have eaten a large pie though so hope to feel a tad better tomorrow.

New toy

Now what the hell do I do with it?

The carnage that is cats and the countryside

Ok so there I was having a wonderful wee fantasy about my chosen one, which included but was not limited to: a party, gazing at the stars, sharing a taxi cab, poetry, sex and showers when I was rudely interrupted by the sound of squeaking. This is not an uncommon practice in my house, living with 5 felines as I do, however the squeaking was being made not by the furry felines from hell but from the tiniest wee mouse I've ever seen. Ok so I know you're all thinking awful horrible cats that go kill defenceless wee mices, but unfortunately it gets worse as they've actually killed 4 this morning. They obviously found a nest with wee babies in and yes I do hate it but have to accept (that despite all my efforts) that they are killing machines when it comes to rodents and they are doing what comes naturally, but when they synchronise their efforts so that you have stereo squeaking its really all a bit galling.
Ah the joys of living in the countryside...

Please don't report me to the RSPCA, I like my membership card and I'm sure they like my donations, however feel free to report the cats as they're little buggers!

Bedroom Blogs #1

Ok and our first contestant for bedroom blogging is my lovely namesake over at:
http://andyouwillknowmebythelengthofthisurl.blogspot.com/2006/08/juless-bedroom.html

*Oh and I wasn't eaten by the buzzing thing and have lived to see another day, plus odd cat brought me a very manky mouldy bit of lemon to go with Billy's vodka and tonic

Snail wall of death

Carrying on from my rather mad straw/dyson ramblings over at Billy's last night (did you finish the whole bottle Bills?) just wanted to explain the whole wall of death scenario. Not that I condone the use of any animal for one's own sick pleasure but my colleague and I did decide it would be quite a good way to choose your lottery numbers. Paint a number on each snail, pop them into your dyson and press on...not quite sure how you get them out again but would be good to see how fast they spin round with their wee antennae flying behind them like a biggles style motorcycle scarf.

Please note that I am seriously joking and own an RSPCA membership card and everything, so please don't report me.

Ooh Hello.....

Need I say more?
any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, especially concerning people who may or or may not be named Billy

In honour of inter blogging couples

1. are you currently in love?
Nope
2. do you have a "one that got away?" tell us about him/her. if not, describe your last awesome partner.
Always wished I'd done the horizontal jiggle with my first love (was only 14 though)
3. what's your favourite romantic story? (this can be a movie, book, poem, story of long-lost love from a friend or relative, etc.)
When Harry met Sally
4. what's the hardest thing you've had to deal with in a relationship?
Lies
5. when it comes to lovers, are you the 'jealous type'?
Have a tendency towards it, but have usually been justified!
6. do you believe in 'love at first sight,' or do you think it's a chemical/biological lustful response? Most definitely lust at first sight
7. do you believe that a person has a 'one true love,' the person that he/she was destined to be with forever?
Nope, cause then anyone who has lost someone would be without hope
8. love gone wrong - what's the worst romantic 'horror story' you've ever heard, maybe from your friends or family, or something that's happened to you?
Believing the grass is greener and when you've suffered an abusive relationship and gone back for me...oh and yeh the fantastic women who: gave all her husband's vintage wine away to her villagers, cut out all the crotches in partner's trousers and planted grass seed in his flat and sewed salmon into his curtain linings! Ah sweet sweet justice.

Still tilting - film = Pirates of the Caribbean 2 - v good if you like looking at men in leathers (which surprisingly I do!)

Blogging bedrooms

Ok so I'll start this meme thing off then..here's my newly redecorated bedroom. I'll post a link to another blogger's bedroom every day (hopefully) and we'll have a poll at the end of the month or when we run out of bedrooms, to find the funkiest. To have your bedroom (and therefore your blog) included just write a wee comment, linking to your blog post and I'll pop a link to it on the daily postings.

Oh yes and I did have to severely tidy up before I could take said photo and it's already looking like a bombshell again.

Good bloggers, nice bloggers!

Ok so why has blog central erupted with great blogs today? Heather, James and Billy all have great blogs today commenting on various blog related err stuff! Me, well nope, great big gaping hole where my brain should be, perhaps it was the glass of Pimms at our lunchtime picnic (oh yes v posh we are out in the sticks).
Snoggage did indeed end up in a great big zero on Saturday, food was ok, music was crap, couple were all loved up (they'll learn!).
Please can someone else out there tell me I'm not going mad with an image from my childhood. Prompted by James's spookah post I'm convinced I watched a short series at school about aliens that came to visit and befriended some children, but the scariest bit was the reveal when the alien child walked up the stairs. I know this makes no sense at all, but if you've seen it, please comment as I'm beginning to think I'm the only one.
Haven't got time to post right now but having completed the bedroom I was thinking of doing a bloggers bedroom post, possibly with a vote for the funkiest. If you want to participate, just post a piccie of your bedroom (preferably with your pc in it) on your blog and leave a message in the comments and I'll try to do an update every day and a vote at the end of the month...or something.
My pic to follow shortly.

Significant Other?

Ok so I'm off to a wedding tonight but am going as my friend's 'guest'. Having just split with her partner, does this make me her significant other? If so what on earth does one wear? I've been called many things in my lifetime but significant other is not one of them....Suggestions on the back of a fag packet please....

Social Event likelihood of snoggage - For reasons I can't divulge probably a huge zero unless I can get away with not being seen by the assembled guests.

*Still titling

Time for tunes

Ok so what time is the right time to start playing loudish music? Being the considerate neighbour that I am (and having moved all my gubbins around the music is now next to the paper thin wall of my poor harassed single mum) what time am I allowed to put Audioslave on?

Also why is Last FM being all odd and not displaying my charts? - Billy - help????

No time to blog

Hi Guys
Not feeling inspired enough to blog at the mo, but in case you haven't come here via the James, his Blue cat and Billy route then you may enjoy the following. (I've not embedded it so you can go to the link and then enjoy Ok Go's other videos).
May not blog for a couple of days as am moving pc around and being the IT biff that I am will probably not connect it all properly......Enjoy my sweet darlings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n7ybeFmxgM

***Ok with a little bit of help I managed to get both the pc and sky working...had plugged the monitor into the wrong connection at the back of the pc...how was I to know that only 1 of them worked! Oh and at present the monitor is actually arse faced on the wall so I'm reading blogs with a slight left tilt to my head...hmm bedroom looks good though