29 October 2006
28 October 2006
Apologies for lack of coherent posting (typo/spelling) blame the rose is all I can say, those on msn on a Friday will know what I'm talking about. Anyhoo, I'm on leave w/c 2oth Nov and have a whole week off which is currently filled with diddly squat so if any of you c*nts fancy meeting up for a coffee or something then let me know. kiss kiss night night
- time to post = 1 minute, time for editing to make some semblance of sense = 3 minutes
- time to use spellcheck and re edit last paragraph = 1 minute
Excreted by Jools at 8:40 pm
26 October 2006
Sorry about the unoriginal title of this post but my brain has gone all mushy from chlorine. Yes folks I have been of the swimming partaking so I am dewy eyed (i.e. bloodshot) and fresh faced (read, skin like a camel's hump*). However I do indeed have the house all to myself from err NOW until sometime Sunday (woo hoo) but what shall I do with all this space and time? I have a friend coming over tomorrow night but otherwise I'm at a loss. So suggestions on the back of a fag packet, or failing that in the comment box - please!!
And if anyone says go out and find a boyfriend I reserve the right to wallop you with a herring or other fish type thingy!
*originally typed skim like a camel's jump...?????
Excreted by Jools at 6:11 pm
23 October 2006
We'll do the great big - fall back on a meme thing to keep you all occupied...
Have you had sex in the past 24 hours? Chance would be a fine thing
Are you gay? Hmmm don’t think so, although I’ve never given it a go so who can say?
Do you have hairy legs? Generally no although at times I do resemble a womble
Do you smoke anything? Nope although I used to like the sweet cigarettes you used to get as a kid
Do you like monkeys? Depends on the type, what are those wee ones that looked permanently shocked? They’re kinda cute
How many fillings do you have? 2 I think and probably need more but haven’t been to a dentist for 16 years and can still open beer bottles with me gnashers
Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? Ooh ocean please, I always think of skinny dipping when you swim in lakes and then I think of lake placid!
Have you ever licked one of those square batteries? Err nope, actually don’t think I own anything that takes square batteries
Have you ever read the Bible? Can’t say I have, although as fiction goes…;)
Did you ever go to Sunday School? Nope too busy catching caterpillars or boys!
Do you wear a lot of black? Err I guess but also wear pink, blue and white a lot too
Did you ever bring a weapon to school? Good god no I would’ve got the slipper
Have you ever hugged a tree? In all probability yes and my mate when out with a bloke called Elm – does that count?
Do you know what a sphincter actually is? Ah huh
Describe your hair? Dark, thick, sheds like theres no tommorrow
Are you a wildbeast? Um well I don’t think I’m a beastie as such and probably not that wild anymore..so err no
Do you like to have fun? Depends on your definition of ‘fun’
Do you like drama? Oh indeedy
Have you ever taken a bong hit? Erm only passively!
Do you like mayonnaise? Indeed I do
Are you afraid to die? Shiit yes.
Do you like playing in leaves? Who doesn’t? Speshly with wellies on
Have you ever peed your pants as an adult? Do you know I think I probably have, through either alcohol or laughter, or both
Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult? Don’t recall having done so, I was brought up proper you know
Are you an adult? I severely doubt it
Ever won a spelling bee? No but would like to win a grammar caterpillar
Do you ever eat because you’re depressed? Not any more but do when I’m bored, which is often
Are you a television addict? I’m really not anymore, don’t watch soaps or reality TV so that doesn’t really leave a lot does it
Do you think OJ was guilty? Are leather trousers sexy? Come on at least ask serious questions
Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? Yeh she’s funky and loves me for who I am (someone has to I guess)
Have you ever had sex in a hot tub? No but I wouldn’t half like to give it a go
On a swing? Don’t think so but do have a hazy memory of a playground back in my youff
Do you like Elvis? Well not in the dead corpse kinda well, but yeh some of his music is pretty cool
Do you enjoy watching animals “do it” on the Discovery channel? Can’t say I’ve ever watched it, but great song!
Ever been hit on at a zoo? Can’t say I have and these questions are taking on a very odd sex and animals theme (that’ll get the googlers)
Have you ever had sex with a total stranger? No, swapped gum with one once but not sex
Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys? I actually think turkeys are pretty terrifying
Does your mom think someone is hot? Um she always used to quite like Axl Rose and now Jack Sparrow. See told you my mum is cool (oh and my dad, which is a bit sad)
Are you a sugar freak? Not so much so
Ever been arrested? No but have sat in a police holding cell (how coool is that?)
Ever commit a crime and get away with it? Yup
Do you like orange juice? Yup but not with bits in
What sign are you? Ooh I hate this question cause I’m one of those stupid cusp people. Yes I’m cancer/Leo cross…can you imagine a crab and a lion…one of the many reasons I am like I am
Ever do the party boy dance in front of the elderly? I wouldn’t of thought so as I don’t spend that much time with the elderly
Where do you wish you were right now? In my penthouse in London, having won the lottery and surrounding myself with shoes and agent provacteur undies
Did you enjoy this? Well apart from the question about OJ it was all quite riveting.
Excreted by Jools at 10:04 pm
18 October 2006
Ok brownie points to the peep who can decipher, some or all of the truthful facts pertaining to my weekend from the following:
pants I my up hoovered of pair a
garden a leg put chair through my
ebay someone into had account hack my
Oh and no one's got the rain question right - yet!
Excreted by Jools at 8:00 pm
09 October 2006
OK so I've returned from the mini meet up in Blazing Smoke and a fab time was had by all. Unfortunately Jazzer was unable to join us so it was just me, Skeddahdoodah, Little Star and Chatterbox. Can't say we put the world to right or chatted about intellectual rights of mongooses (mongeese?) but we did spend all night chatting about 2 subjects very close to our hearts.
how you can spot someone in a car park and know its them you're going to meet
how you can park 2 car park spaces away from another new friend, without knowing
how loo seats are obviously getting bigger, cause I fell down one!
how it's not a good idea to chuck your coke bottle at someone as they can get a little upset
and how 2 complete strangers can meet up and a) not be able to pronounce a certain blogger's name and b) admit that neither has ever tried tapas!
Girls - I had a cracking time, thank you so much for inviting me and for the dvd's (all watched already and greatly appreciated - all I can say is - pants shot!).
Really must get the teleconferencing/origami thing sorted for next time though.
~~Oh yeh and bag of minstrels to the person who can correctly guess what I spent 5 mins doing at approx 9pm last night - in the rain!~~
Excreted by Jools at 6:38 pm
07 October 2006
So a while back I asked for your ideas on what literary gems I could spend my time reading, however as I wasn't showered with suggestions I ending up resorting to my normal selection, so this is what I got:
Turning Thirty - Mike Gayle - fantastic, loved it, laughed out loud at parts, rang so true in so many ways
In search of an impotent man - Gaby Hauptman - s'alright, interesting premise but disappointingly obvious ending, plus translation from German makes it a little 'clunky' at times
Solomon Grundy - Dan Gooch - brilliant, very unusual idea but with a great view of life and sharp to boot
Wasting Time - Sarah Harris - disappointing, no where near as funny as I thought it would be, too narrative for my liking and a rushed and obvious ending again
Obviously nothing earth shattering intellectual there. So moving on from thhose, I've now got the following:
Spencers List - Lissa Evans
Brand new friend - Mike Gayle
and 3 books on poetry
Any further suggestions?
Excreted by Jools at 7:19 am
03 October 2006
Ok So I'm still invaliding and feeling sorry for myself
So first a return to norm: I have so far this week managed to a) stab the roof of my mouth with a piece of chocolate and b) get my toe completely tangled up in my slipper causing me to fall awkwardly onto the bed like a beslippered jellyfish - God only knows what is going to befall me when we arrive at c!
Also I totally forgot to share this office based piece of wisdom from the other week. Staff member and myself had got into a conversation regarding small ears (I have them, she has them - problems with headphones etc) anyway we then proceeded to measure such ears (I mean who uses rulers for anything over than measuring parts of the body, or occasionally filing cabinets), ears duly measured (hers were the smallest) I then indicated that what I really meant was the ear canal and that we need to get some expanding device that we could plug into our ears and then remove and measure - Yes folks wait for it...hence our idea for ear tampons (that'll bring in the googlers). Yet another wonderful example of the British ingenuity to make something truly wonderful out of something so banal - do you think we should send it to 'inventors anonymous'?
An Update - Also forgot to mention that some very nice ladies have invited me to a tapas soiree in Basingstoke at the weekend. Hopefully will be there girls but does depend on level of sickiness. See Bills you're not the only one who gets to meet t'internet peeps.
On that note - when we having a blog meet then guys, I know Billy's gone off the boil recently what with his new sidling love affair ;) but I still want to meet up and am happy to donate to the 'Get Heather out of Scotland' fund?
**Update - Ridiculous 'I'm feeling sorry for myself' style posts have been removed, cause quite frankly, they're boring and dull even for me - but thanks for the get well wishes and kind thoughts from all.
Excreted by Jools at 12:06 pm
02 October 2006
I'm poorly ick (again!) this time with a stomach upset which has seen me sleeping for huge chunks of the day in between bouts of banshee wailing and stomach gripping. I'm currently existing on weetabix and tea so apologies for lack of coherent or optimistic postings..it's all that damned Anna's fault sending me her dreaded lurgy....
Excreted by Jools at 1:22 pm