Awoooohhh Noooooooo (ack fuck it)

Posted 22nd May

As many of you know I have a couple of unhealthy obsessions that I feel the need to rant about with alarming regularity on this here blogette (like a bonkette, but unfortunately a lot less cuddling)

Number one being the toilet habits of the reserved English classes (people, not hordes of schoolchildren reciting, 'the cat sat on the mat') and number two being my downward spiral into the depths of old age.

So it is the latter of my mini obsessions (also realised recently that I have a real phobia towards book molestation, seriously don't get me started, it brings me out in a rash) that I wanted to bang on about again.

We've already spoken at length about the wiry pube like grey hairs that stick out of the top of my noggin, making me look like an old English sheepdog. But we have a new and very startling revelation......







one I can hardly bring myself to share with you guys........







fuck....deep breathe....we're all friends here (and of course all my subscribers are lovely and wouldn't dare take the piss - would YOU?)








Shit....this is actually all quite traumatic for me....I discovered my first grey pube this morning!

Bollocks this does not bode well for any future rendezvous with male personages! I mean I can just about get the demented badger look under control, with the help of Mr Clairol and co (and they fucking lie I can tell you...permanent dye my arse - well you know what I mean, I don't actually want to dye my arse, cause that would just be silly) but now I have to start worrying about me ladybits as well.
Its not enough that my body is sprouting hair like a damned chia pet, but when it does sprout all over, it's now appearing in a decidedly dodgy hue which I will be referring to as 'ash blonde' from now on in.

For pity's sake, what else is there for me on the slippery downward slope.... thermal slippers, little blue pills and hemorrhoids.....can't wait.

Enjoys your day's folks I'm off to get me some primrose oil :)