20 August 2007

Loo roll fairies – a fairytale for grown ups

27 Jul 2007

Once upon a time in an enchanted palace known as the shining city of Priviness lived a small and delicate fairy known to all ass Toiletta the guardian fairy of all water closets.

Toiletta ruled over her kingdom with peace and serenity. She had many lovely female followers who were respectful to her world and abided by the rules of the land and could make a 'hotel point' fold on a loo roll in 5 seconds flat.

For many years Toiletta and her followers were blissfully happy as they went about their daily business and Toiletta enjoyed a peaceful reign for the loo rolls were plentiful and abundant.

Years passed and the inhabitants grew worried as their numbers began to dwindle. Then on one magical night the inhabitants of Priviness found themselves over run with young males intent on helping them with their repopulation.

At first the ladies of Priviness were delighted with their new and interesting consorts and for a while the inhabitants would happily laze about making love, skipping through golden fields and generally getting themselves up the duff.

Then slowly as the rose tint began to tire the original inhabitants realised they weren't perhaps as happy as they once were.

Their previous balanced lifestyle was being upset by an imbalance in nature and force unknown to woman. It happened slowly at first, everyone could feel it but none could figure out why arguments were starting to rumble and remote controls were being thrown.

Finally they decide to seek Toiletta's advice as they were in fear of losing their marital beds.

Toiletta listened patiently to their tales of woe and with years of wisdom, enlightened her followers…

'But of course it is obvious what is happening, these men folk have not respect for the rules of Priviness and mock us with their ways. You can clearly see it..have you not noticed how thy throne seats are always left in an upward position and how thy toilet paper is never replaced on the holder and it is always the woman folk who find the inner tube lolling sadly against the holder'?

A gasp went through the assembled throng as they realised that Toiletta did in fact speak the truth, but what one earth were they to do? They couldn't risk losing their only means of reproduction.

Toiletta did impress upon them the learned ways of Priviness and asked them to educate their men.

So over the coming years the inhabitants of Priviness attempted to educate their men folk with a variety of lectures, demonstrations and the tried and tested technique of nagging on mass. However Toiletta did not account for the serious defect in men that leads to total divviness and an inability to hear the fine acoustics associated with a well timed nag.

The inhabitants of Priviness were furious with their ruler and took revenge in the only way they knew how.

And to this day this is why you will find in many homes, across the land, a small fairy, with a crinoline skirt, resting on top of the toilet with a loo roll shoved up her arse.

1 comment:

llewtrah said...

Hmm, you might need to point Billy in this direction. He could add toilet folklore to his toilet science pursuits.