Posted 17 Apr
Ok for me male readership...as promised lapdancing with only the kind of spin Jools can put on it!
I've come to the conclusion that lap dancing must've originated in comedy clubs or dinner theatre venues. Comedy clubs are not the natural habitat for the normally reserved English classes. We're quite good at the queuing, I'll give you that, but then we find ourselves doing the seat shuffle all night cause no one wants to take the 'firing line' seat at the front. There should be some sort of points or drinks system for these kind of gigs.
Firstly, the poor late bastard who does end up in the firing line should get a huge round of applause and free drinks all night for sheer bravery. The rest of us, whilst waiting for the latecomer to arrive will have to satisfy ourselves with musical chairs. Ensuring that at no point does any part of our body make contact with any strangers, even if this means someone's going to have to read the rules of twister before they can extract us from our seats.
We could attempt the newest fitness craze for the over 30'er – the bar obstacle course, as you once again struggle to the bar ensuring you make no physical contact with another human, resulting in a rather strange interpretive dance which has you alternating between the moves to YMCA, Saturday Night Fever and attempting to limbo under a barman's legs. (Hey it passes for modern dance in some arts fesitvals you know).
You get to take a drink of beer or wine if you make it to the bar and back, if you make it to the loo's and back then you get to drink a shot and if you manage to do both without landing in someone else's lap or standing on someone's foot then you have to down all your drinks.
*personally I think there should also be a high scoring round if you manage to get a comedian to give you a 'terrified' look - but maybe that's just me? ;)
**Ooh podcats? For those that missed/ignored *ahem* the bulletin, I used to do podcasts, then I didn't, the sun's been out so maybe I'll do another one again. Do you want IT? You might even get a namecheck (woo hoo infamy at last - not necesairly a good thing, people start calling you slut and all sorts).
Minty pacers to all of ya!
Sorry my music choice just said 'nothing I can say when I'm in your thighs'! Funkeeehhhh
09 June 2007
Posted 17 Apr