Thermos, slippers, tea

– things that are made to live together. I'd love to meet the man who invented the Thermos, what a legend he was. In actual fact I've done some research for you my little ones and it turns out he was a Scottish scientist named James Dewar and he came up with the vacumm flask blah de blah thingy but the damn Germans ran with the idea and patented the thermos flask..not content with trying to take over our little island they want to drink all our friggin tea as well!

However on researching these interesting facts (see I told you the internet isn't just for porn…it's for research…well ok its for researching porn but there is a slight but distinct difference). Anyway being the nice individual that I am I thought I'd burn some learning on your asses. So one of the myths surrounding tea is that this chap called Bohidharma kept falling asleep during meditation (bad Buddhist, naughty Buddhist, sit on the naughty step). Anyway cause he kept falling asleep during meditation, (one would argue that's surely the point) the Buddhists hunted him down with orange silk and threatened to make a parasol out of him. So he decided, to cut his eyelids off and where they fell is where a tree bush grew.

Well I don't know about you but fuck me I don't fancy having some rancid monk's eyeballs floating round in me cup of char.
'Hey Bob, what's this stuff floating in the top of me tea? You trying to go all Costa coffee on me, with your high faluting choccie sprinkles on the top'.
'Ah no Fred that's just bodhidharma's eyelids for you, drink up they've got great restorative properties, all the hip people are having them, that Goldie Hawn can't chuck enough of them down her gullet'.

Another tea myth is that some monky bloke was bimbling along with some hot water (bet the health and safety executive would have had a field day on that), bimbling about with his hot water when some 'leaves' fell into his cup. Now he must've been thinking 'Golly gosh what a glorious piece of luck, that seems all rather splendid and certainly not a potentially life threatening idea – I know lets have a drink. Ooh I feel strangely refreshed and invigorated not at all hazy –

now if only I could work out to make these cocoa beans into a Twix ' I'll be fucking minted'.