Incommunicado

So am off up to the parentals for a couple of days so will be incommunicado..them having not heard of broadbrand...however thought I'd leave you with the following (I'm sure you've all seen it before but still thought it was funny). Enjoy my darlings...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on ... . . . . .. . . . .
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?