I'm like the crypt keeper

Gawd old age really is a wearisome thing... I am currently harbouring a small forest of grey hairs behind my left ear, I swear they pop up overnight. This is not aided by my slightly dodgy idea to go 'ginger' after my recent holiday. So my hair is now 4 different shades, sort of brown (young me), ginger (enhanced me), blonde (also enhanced me) and grey (old me). Tis a very odd look. The other thing with hair and age is that it seems to grow...everywhere. Seriously why don't people warn you about this, for gawd sake I'm only in my thirties but I'm convinced I will wake up soon to finding it sprouting from my ears in that old chap called Morris way. I mean its sprouting up all over the place and my poor lady Venus doodah doesn't know what's hit it. It also seems to be disappearing down the plughole at an alarming rate, I'll be able to carpet the bath with it soon! Add to that a tendency for my knees to go click when I walk up stairs and my penchant for mumbling things like 'for god sake pull your bloody trousers up' at passing 14 year olds (who are probably in all reality about 23) means I really am a grumpy, nearly old, woman.

p.s. Beloved father is quoted as saying (to my mum) "so then what's the trouser situation?" Parents! Can't live with them, can't poison them!