12 March 2007

The wilds of Leics do it to me again...


Ok so regular readers of the blog know I have a somewhat strained relationship with the byways and highways of the parental homestead. So following on from the late night trip home on a rescue lorry which was the outcome of the ladies that lunch fiasco, Leicestershire has only been and done it to me again.

So the story goes a little like this:
1300 - Jools purchases petrol and leaves the fields of Wiltshire behind her (travelling through 3 different counties in 15 mins)
1330 - Jools continues bimbling along getting annoyed at Sunday 'fuckin' drivers but is quite happy as is singing her wee lungs out to 'Darkside' by Tim Minchin (link to the fabby Timmy below - everyone should pay to go and see him - he's fab and very lovely).
1430 - Jools is supposed to head towards Warick on the A something or other but gets confuzzled and goes across the Fosse Way - cue hilarious japes with Jools, tiny car, large winds and very hairy corners - resulting in Jools nearly coming of the road and peeing herself laughing about it.
1530 - after various detours Jools arrive at parental house and sets to work trying to find the heating - no joy, just about manages to put the fire on and sits round like an ice box cursing the fact she didn't realise ma & pa had a dvd and didn't bring any with her.
1645 - BaggieB phones to say she's in Melton but is lost, Jools try to direct her but can't figure out where she is not being a local an all.
1700 - BaggieB rings again and Jools vainly searches for a map without any luck. Directs baggie B to centre of town and then collects her from a BP garage.
1730 - The 'comedy collective' (CC) head of to Nottingham for an evening of mirth, but spend 30 mins trawling round and round the one way system looking for the venue and car park. Jools muses that some thing's making a very odd noise, eventually decides to pull into a slip road as she realises her front tyre is ripped to shreds.
1800 - after eventually locating the spare wheel under the boot, not In, under the car chassis) the 'CC' decide to be girly and call breakdown.
1900 - Nice man rescues the CC (after realising they're round the back of the biggest police HQ, so quite safe). Jools asks nice man for directions as is bricking herself about the time. Nice man takes them to the car park. Bonus
1925 - The 'CC' hoof it along the street look for the venue, for once BaggieB's navigation skills are working and we find the venue and a queue.
1935 - ools is thinking' fuck we're too late they're not going to let us in'. Arse - but no it was fine folks we could go in but we couldn't see the chap we came to see cause he's ski-ing in Switzerland and his agent hadn't put the gig in his diary!
1945 - Reassess situation and decide despite the transport tribulations that the CC would venture again next week when said comedian is guaranteed to eb there.
1950 - Return to car and pay £3.50 for the privilege
2000- Spend 2 mins going the wrong way UP the car park rather than down, execute a possibly illegal left turn and end up going down a cobbled pedestrian zone only to have to turn around, much to the amusement of many of the assembled 'arty types' standing around.
2010 - BaggieB's excellent navigation skills send us round the entire outskirts of Nottingham but we eventually get back on the right road.
2030- Retire to Chinese establishment in Melton with stiff drink and promptly empty the restaurant of punters.
2200 - Return to house with chocolate and booze and proceed to consume both in large quantities whilst watching (i.e. nattering) Snatch. Many comments made along the lines of me seeing Baggie's snatch and hilarity ensues.
2300 - Freezingness of house resulted in the great scene of 2 heterosexual 30+er's snuggled up under a duvet together rustling chocolate, BaggieB was insisting on playing revel roulette.
0100 - Bed calls

Then this morning was spent getting a new tyre and driving back home, only to do it all again next Sunday.

It could only happen to me! But people may find these snippets quite cheering:


llewtrah said...

Yay Revels!

Not-so-yay for the duff tyre.

baggiebird said...

Hey my navigational skills are nothing if not legendary. To tell the truth i'm quite surprised I even managed to get to Melton. It's a good job we have a warped sense of humour, otherwise we may have been very annoyed at the end of the night rather than giggly!

see ya in Zurich

xx BB

iLL Man said...

Love a man in eyeliner I have to say.....